What are your family's actual top values?
Not the ones on the fridge. The ones your kids would name.
Start the quiz →What this quiz explores
Every family has stated values and revealed ones, and children learn the revealed set. They're taught by what gets praised, what gets a raised voice, and what gets dropped when things are busy. This works out what your household is transmitting, which is not always what's written on the wall.
How it works
The quiz has 4 possible results. Each answer option was written to lean toward one of them.
Your result is the one your answers pointed to most often. Skipped questions, and the occasional answer that does not lean toward any result, are not counted.
Alongside the result you see your answer profile: the share of your answers that pointed to each result. Close percentages mean you sit between two results, which is common.
Four household values
Achievement Family
Effort and outcome are what get noticed in your house, and your children know it precisely.
Grades read first, certificates kept, the story you tell others is what they achieved, and what makes you angry is not trying. The rule nobody breaks is that you finish what you commit to. Your children would say you care most about them doing well, and what they hide from you is bad results. That last pair is the finding worth sitting with. Achievement values transmit clearly and they teach children that the reliable route to your approval runs through performance, which is why failure gets concealed rather than brought to you. You named pressure as the cost, and your stated-but-unlived value was saying you don't mind about grades, which your children have almost certainly noticed. What would help: praise something unrelated to outcome within the next week, specifically and out loud, and tell them about a failure of your own. Then check what happens when they bring you bad news, since the response to that is what determines whether they keep bringing it.
The Kindness Family
How people are treated is the thing that carries weight in your house, and it's the value that transmits most reliably.
You read the comments about how they are with others before the grades. What makes you angry is unkindness, rudeness to a stranger is the worst thing on the list, and what you'd be proudest of is decency that cost them something. What your children hide is things they did wrong. This is the value with the best evidence behind it for long-term wellbeing, and it's also the one most easily undercut by how a household behaves under stress rather than what it says. Children learn kindness from being treated kindly during difficult moments, not from being told about it during calm ones. The cost you named was being taken advantage of, and it's real: children raised on kindness need explicit permission to say no, and it doesn't come automatically from the value itself. Teach the boundary alongside the kindness. And notice what they conceal about their own wrongdoing, since shame is the usual reason and it responds to how the last confession went.
The Independence Family
Standing on your own feet is the household expectation, and your children have learned to manage without asking.
Firsts get photographed, everyone does their own thing at weekends, what makes you angry is helplessness they could solve, and the compliment that lands is that they're self-sufficient. Money goes on things that let them do things alone. What they hide from you is difficulties they're managing on their own. That combination is the whole picture. Independence is a valuable thing to transmit and it comes with a specific cost, which you named yourself: loneliness. A child who learns that coping is what's expected will cope, including when they shouldn't have to, and will not develop the habit of asking. What would help: ask for help from them, visibly, so they see it modelled as normal rather than as failure. Make one thing explicitly a family task rather than an individual one. And check the value you say you hold but don't live, which for this household is often closeness; independence and closeness are compatible, and children have to be told so.
The Togetherness Family
Being together is the organizing value, and it's the one your children would name first.
Dinner survives a packed week, anything that isn't all of you gets cancelled first, the rule nobody breaks is coming to dinner, and what makes you angry is being shut out. Your children hide very little, which is the strongest evidence that this is working. Closeness is the value that most directly predicts whether a child will tell you something difficult, and you have it. What it costs, as you named, is room to leave. Families organized around togetherness can make separation feel like a betrayal rather than a stage, and the adolescent pulling away is doing the correct developmental thing at exactly the moment it's hardest to receive that way. What would help: build separateness in deliberately, so leaving is something the family does rather than something done to it. Encourage a friendship or interest you're not part of. Say out loud that going away and coming back is the design. And watch for the stated value you don't live, which here is usually independence.
What this quiz can’t tell you
- It is a self-reflection exercise, not a validated psychometric test. It has not been normed against a population.
- It reports how you see yourself, which is not always how you behave. People who know you well might answer differently on your behalf.
- Results describe tendencies, not fixed traits. Most people recognise themselves in more than one result.
Read more about how our quizzes are created, including how scoring works and what we do and do not claim.